ROUND 13 HUNGARORING HUNGARY

Ferrari

The Scuderia were grateful that the break from France to Hungary was only one week and they could put a weekend, that went about as well as most first dates I've been on (they also usually involve a primal scream of disappointment when I open the door), behind them. The two bits of advice I'd give team boss Mattia BIinotto are 1. Whoever is in charge of pit stops at Ferrari really needs to start going to the races instead of sending a pre-planned excel spreadsheet and 2. Please pay for a qualified hairdresser to cut your hair and stop doing it yourself to save money. Ferrari to finish 3rd and 8th

Red Bull

To me, it’s far too early to say both championships are in the bag, let’s give it to round 14. Unfortunately that means we are going to have to put up with Christian Horners’ ‘the cat that ate the Mercedes grin’ for another 5 months. Red Bull don't really have to try that hard anymore they just need to show up and watch the opposition continue to fall over themselves as much as a drunk, one legged Dutch fan attempting the Limbo on an ice lake. Once again there will be more flares in the crowd than in Helmet Marko’s pants collection, and Red Bull will steadily continue to take any fun out of the season. Red Bull to finish 4th & 5th

Mercedes

Usually when people meet me they invariably use phrases like 'disappointing' ‘underwhelming’, or 'underachieving'. These are also phrases that can be applied to Mercedes' season so far, however, unlike me, I think Hungary will be the race that changes everyones perspective. The car seems to no longer be using pogo sticks as push rods in the suspension allowing the car to gain more consistent downforce, with the added bonus of allowing the drivers to see where thay are going. I'm not going to be too over the top, and I want to stay measured, so a George Russell led 1 & 2 finish for me.

McLaren

McLaren's ability to hang in there is testament to hard work, brilliant thinking and adaption to change, basically all the things I haven't done in my life, because hard work is by its very nature ‘hard’. I err on the side of easy work every time. Lando is driving his little socks off while Danny Ric is hitting his thesaurus to find new words for ‘improving’, ‘unlocking’, ‘getting there’, and ‘I wouldn't say its a massive improvement but it’s a step in the right direction’. Only Alex Albon's hairdresser is looking forward to the summer break more than Dan. He should perhaps take a leaf from the Trump notebook and call his results this year 'The Big Lie' and blatantly repeat he is winning the world championship, despite all evidence to the contrary, alas for him, unlike MAGA believers, F1 fans tend not to be 1. Stupid and 2. In a relationship with their sister. McLaren to finish between 6th and 11th, you choose

Aston Martin

The great escape artist Harry Houdini was a Hungarian, so it would be fitting for this GP to be the one that Aston Martin escape the incredibly high level of mediocrity that has been the hallmark of their season. But then again Erni Rubik inventor of the 'Rubik Cube' was also Hungarian and Aston's success at solving and unlocking any potential in the car is probably going to end up like my attempts to solve the cube's puzzle...three decades of trying and can still only 'solve' it by taking off the little stickers and re-arranging them, effectively ruining the cube for all eternity. Aston Martin seem to have done the same with the AMR 22. I’m tipping them to finish P13 & a DNF

AlphaTauri

If AlphaTauri was a racehorse and the French GP was the Grand National, the ‘screen’ would have been rolled out at the end of the race and a serious looking vet would have headed down there with a rifle. Seriously the engineering debrief must have made Game of Thrones Red Wedding’ episode look like an episode of Sesame Street. AlphaTauri have been great at times during the year, but Yuki and Pierre really look like two men about to totally lose their sh*t! This is not helped by Yuki currently leading the drivers championship - in penalty points - currently he’s on 8, just 4 more and he’ll face a one round ban from driving. If past levels of keeping your cool is anything to go by, expect to see Liam Lawson having a GP weekend, filling the size 2.5 shoes of Tsunoda a lot sooner than expected. AlphaTauri to be entertaining but not fast, 12th and 16th for mine.

Alpha Romeo

Despite a really stellar first half to the season, Zhou Guanyu will no doubt be sticking to the same race strategy he has had since Silverstone - not to be sliding on his head at a million miles an hour into a fence. So expect, until post Summer Break the hazard lights to be flashing on his car and him driving like nanna on the way to bingo night. Valtteri has been rocking the Bucket Hat look around the paddock, when you combine that with his own gin label, a chilled out vibe and a ‘she’ll be right’ attitude you get the sense his partner Australian Olympic cyclist Tiffany Cromwell may just be turning Valteri into an Aussie and he is where the party will be over the summer break!. Alpha Romeo to go P7 & DNWTS (Did Not Want To Start).

Alpine

Who cares because all we want to see is Oscar Piastri drive in just one free practice. Just one. While Mark Webber has been shopping him around to every team, and even as the motor bike driver for retrieving drivers from the Marshal stations. Not yet having given him a drive is like having a still unwrapped Christmas present under the tree… in September. At the very least put his simulator drives online so we can virtually watch him virtually drive a car he virtually has never been allowed to touch. Alpine to finish 9th & 10th

Haas

It's tempting to want to see Haas have another ordinary weekend just because we know it will make for great viewing with Gunter on ‘Drive to Survive’ next February. But if there is one team on the grid with the determination, drive and good luck to turn it around...it’s not Haas. Haas to finish 14th & 17th

Williams

The new upgrade that was introduced in France is doing exactly what it was meant to do, that is if it was meant to somehow turn the car into an Americas Cup yacht that does what ever it wants whenever there is even a tiny zephyr of wind. Honestly the FW44 should have a spinnaker hanging off the front of it. Sadly, like my social life, Nicholas Latifi's time in F1 seems to be ever nearer to being short lived. Let’s hope no one in the crowd breathes too hard towards the track and they can surprise us all. But they won't. Williams to finish 15th &18th